We apologize. Last week we had the blog post ready to go and forgot to make it visible. We posted it on Monday when we were getting this post ready. Join us on this ride we have named DB Toxic. Thanks all.
David's 2 Cents:
Hello again,
We are into the 2nd half of Mark’s book, “Everything is #@%!ed – A Book About Hope” by Mark Manson and as I have said before, this is a good book that we highly recommend.
Chapter six introduces us to Immanuel Kant. I like the efficient, structured and practical life that Kant lived. Kant’s impact on our world is largely unknown by most of us, but Kant is given great credit for establishing the concept of a democratic society. He “argued that all people have an inherent dignity that must be regarded and respected.” (137) Mark explains to us the beliefs of Kant’s view of hope and the flawed human values that it relies on. (138)
Mark gives us a quick and concise lesson on our development of becoming adults. The stages of childhood, to adolescent and then adulthood is quite easy to understand. This leads us to the values we follow as adults. The transactions of life are explained and are guided by our values. The motivation of our value systems can be selfish or supportive of higher principles. I am highlighting so much in this chapter, like - “There are plenty of grown-ass children in the world. … maturity has nothing to do with age. What matters are a person’s intentions.” (147) “People get stuck in the adolescent stage of values for similar reasons that they get stuck with childish values: trauma and/or neglect.” (149) This one hit me hard as I have said before, I grew up with an alcoholic violent father and a mother that did not get us out of the situation, making me believe she was a classic co-dependent.
One moto that I feel would be helpful for me personally is “Amor fati.” This means, love of one’s fate. To me, when I accepted the past that I have, I was able to start the needed healing to not live it in turn. “When you attempt to barter for happiness, you destroy happiness.” (153) This statement explains a lot if we really think about it. There are other quick statements of the deals we try to make in our lives but this one is something I realized awhile ago. I may have experienced a lot of pain and abuse growing up, but I would have to be responsible for my happiness. I would not be able to rely on others to make me happy. Unfortunately, I still feel I struggle with anxiety, social awkwardness, low-self-confidence, PTSD and other effects of those violent times.
There are a couple parts of this chapter that would define our business, DB Toxic. Mark says, “The values that define our identity are the templates that we apply to our interactions with others, and little progress can be made with others until we’ve made progress within ourselves.” (158) To work on ourselves, being brave and honest enough with ourselves and taking steps to be a better you, that is what our mission is all about! “…your improved ability to be honest with yourself will increase how honest you are with others, and your honesty with others will help them to grow and mature.” (159) This says it all folks. Taking care to improve ourselves will find its way to how we are with others. “Therefore, your cleaning up your relationship with yourself has the positive by-product of cleaning up your relationships with others…” (159)
Thank you, Mark, for getting this message across in your book. As Noah and I keep doing what we can to help people take the steps - working to improve their lives, to searching out the healing they may need, to being better – we too, are learning. After all, it is our personal situations that were the catalyst for DB Toxic.
Read this book people!
Noah's turn:
In this chapter, Marks talks about parenting and maturity truly spoke to me. At the age of 20 there are a lot of things to be looking towards in my future and a lot of things I’m worried about. 20 is a really awkward age where you’re supposed to be an adult and getting your life in check and “growing up”, however I’m sure I haven't been this first 20 year old that isn’t ready for all of that yet.
Mark touched on something that I myself think about time and time again since it's a part of my future. Mark talks about some of his views on parenting and gives a couple good quotes that make a lot of sense to me. My favorite being one that his friend had mentioned that describes parenting as ‘basically just following a kid around for a couple decades and making sure he doesn’t accidentally kill itself.” Pg 140. Mark believes that good early parenting boils down to implementing the right consequences for a child's pleasure/pain-driven behavior. And he even goes back and brings up something from an earlier chapter. Children that grow up in a household where they have to be curdled and overly protected will turn out the same as a child that grew up in an abusive household. That says a lot about finding a balance between overbearing your child through rules and over bearing protection, yet also being sure to let them go completely unsupervised with no rules. That’s what stood out to me the most about this chapter since really parenting could be in my near future or my far future. If you’re planning on parenting in the near future this chapter has some great tips about how to mature and grow not only your child but yourself as well.
The other part of this chapter that I really took note of was while he was talking about maturity and basic development. Like I mentioned before I hardly feel like I’m mature enough for my age and It’s hard to sit myself down and really force myself into better standards. That’s kind of what Mark talks about here as well. I wish I could post it here but Mark created this really in depth listing how some values would change from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. Looking through it.. It definitely hits home.
For me this chapter was my favorite one I've read yet because it's been the one I'm the most able to relate to being a simple 20 year old. In all honesty I don't really know how to be mature and his little tips and tricks help me, and I'm sure they'll help you too.
See you next week with chapter 7.